Happy Birthday, Jessica! I Have A 21 Year Old Daughter!

21 years old.  I have a daughter that is 21 years old.  Unbelievable.

How did this happen so fast?

Just the other day we walked into Munson Medical Center for a doctor visit.  We didn’t know we were going to be admitted.  We didn’t know that the next day we would have a little girl that would change our lives like she did.  We knew that things would be different, but seriously.  We had NOOOOOOO idea just how different!

That first look at all of that dark hair, the scrunched up face, the fists shaking in indignation for the trial she had just been through.  It was a little scary.  Not a “run and hide” thing, but a “Holy Cow!  Who thought I was ready for this?” kind of thing.  Seriously. I had to take a test to drive a car, but to be a father? Nothing!

I’d like to say that the fear wore off.  It didn’t.  It has shifted around, changed shape, color, and intensity over the years, but it has not gone away.  So many things out there to be concerned about when you are given a gift as precious as a child.  So many more when she is so crazy about animals!

Dog bites, cat scratches, kicks from horses.  The knowledge that anything that creeps slithers, walks, or crawls will be scooped up by a girl so fascinated with the creatures God has given us.  So much out there to worry about.  So amazing to see how she has learned the meaning of the phrase “dominion over creation” as God intended it.

Then there are the people issues.  She has been the champion of the underdog, often left sitting alone, carrying the weight of a hurting friend on her shoulders, or the pain of the abused in her heart.  While she has had a “safe” life, she still bears scars from careless words, misplaced trust, or selfish motives.  In all of it, she stays open to new people. Willing to open her heart again to those who need help.  Putting hands and feet to Jesus.

This is our first year celebrating her birthday from afar.  She is in college and we are at home.  Not an easy day, and the gray skies we see here at Tanner Manor echo our feelings as we wish we could be with her.  Both kids gone leaves the house feeling quiet.

However, this is not a post of gloom.  I am celebrating my daughter today.  I am the Dad of a 21 year old woman with a heart for God and people.  She is amazing in every sense of the word, and it has been a true blessing to have been chosen to be her Dad.

Jessica, I wish you the happiest of birthdays, and I want you to know that you will never be far from us as we always carry you in our hearts.  You and your brother have enriched our lives in so many ways, and we could not be more thankful.

You blazed so many trails in our lives, and while some of them had me shaking my head as we started the journey, it has been awesome to see what God has done in you and through you in the lives of those around you.  I am proud of you, I love you, and I can’t wait to see what God has planned for you.

Happy Birthday, Squirt!  You made me see how much a Dad could love a daughter.

Love you,

Dad

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I Hope to Be Sober in 2018

So, I have a confession to make.  I have a problem.  I get better for awhile, but then I slip and I find myself right in the middle of it again.  I know I need help, and I know that I have friends and family that want to help me, but sometimes their help just drives me deeper into it.  I need to get sober, and I hope that this is the year.

Now, before we go any further, I am not struggling with any type of alcohol or drug addiction, and I am not mocking those who do.  My struggle is one of a different nature that while not physically damaging, can be just as destructive to the relationships I value.

Anger and a lack of self-control.

I have had a rough time with this since I was a teenager.  If I felt mistreated when I didn’t deserve it, I would get angry.  It would be even worse when I KNEW I was right.  It has been a part of me for years.  It ebbs and flows enough that I don’t think  that I am known as a hot head (I might be wrong about that), but I am sure that there are enough people out there who have had a peek into that part of me to know it is there.

This past week it rose up again.  I lost it and got pretty loud.  I realized it right away and made my apologies, but that doesn’t make anything go away.  I’m tired of those apologies.  I want something better for the people I do life with.

One of my favorite characters on television is from the show Blue Bloods.  Tom Selleck plays NYPD Police Commissioner Frank Reagan (Francis to his Dad).  Frank is a Marine.  He is the son of a cop who also was the Police Commissioner.  He has three sons who became cops, and a daughter who works as an assistant district attorney.  The family gets together for Sunday dinner every week, and while not perfect, they are always trying.

Week after week I watch Frank come face to face with some seemingly overwhelming obstacle and no discernible right answer.  Sometimes he is caught between two of his kids that want him to take their side in an argument.  Sometimes he is caught between his church and his work.  Sometimes it is the mayor or some publicity issue that is waging war against his personal convictions.

No matter what it is that comes up, by the end of almost every episode, we see that he is able to come to some type of resolution.  I know.  The magic of television would be VERY convenient if we could just sprinkle it over our own problems!

So, where was I going with this?  Oh, yeah.  One thing we rarely see happen is Frank “losing it.”  His voice gets a little high and he might wave his hands and arms a little as he expresses his frustration with the situation, but even when that happens, we always see the same move take place at that moment when you think he is about to REALLY tee off on someone.  I call it the Frank Reagan Scowl of Sober Deliberation. (FRSSD for short)

Rather than lose his temper, Frank pulls out the FRSSD.  On screen that usually leads to a soft fade, commercial break, or a quick switch to one of the other story lines that the episode is covering.  We don’t get to see how Frank wrestles the problem, and we don’t always get to see how much time the FRSSD needs to be employed before we get to the next step.

What we see is a man who is willing to confront his fears and his anger and hold them in check rather than lashing out.  We see a man who looks inside and examines the nuances of not only the situation, but also what his responses might be along with their consequences.  He doesn’t react when faced with these tough spots.  He thinks about how to face the situation in a manner allowing him to maintain his character and bring about the most equitable solution possible.

I don’t want to say that he is holding it all inside rather than spilling it all out.  He spills!  However, he only lets out what is necessary for those around him to reach an understanding that he is in turmoil over something, but not willing to lash out while he works on getting to the next face.  I call that one the Frank Reagan Face of Bold Resolve.   (FRFBR for short.)

When the FRFBR comes out, you know that the situation is now in hand.  Frank is getting ready to move ahead.  He knows there may be some consequences, but he has measured them and sees them as acceptable.  He knows that feelings may yet be hurt, but he has determined that it will not be done in a careless manner.  He builds his heart into his response.  He usually ends up giving a little more of himself in those situations and plants a seed for growth in the relationship that will help with future confrontations as well.

In 2 Timothy, Paul is speaking to his disciple, Timothy, and telling him how he should conduct himself in his role as a young pastor.  Paul knew full well the challenges Timothy would face. Churches are not easy places to live, and it is even harder if you hold a position of leadership.  One piece of advice he gave Timothy was this:

As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. – 2 Timothy 4:5

That sober-mindedness he refers to is that Frank Reagan-type of mind.  A mind that chooses not to rage at the injustices he sees around him, but to slap on that FRSSD and work on a solution that will allow him to fulfill his ministry as a pastor and reach souls for Christ.  He has a job to do, and losing his head will not get it done.  He needs to get to that FRFBR and move boldly forward for God in love for those he serves.

Peter also tells us that there is another need for taking the time to wear the FRSSD.  It is because there are bigger things at play than what we are facing. Just like there are layers to Frank’s problems and our problems, we have a bigger problem in the wings.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. – 1 Peter 5:8

Satan wants to get believers to “lose it. ”

If he can get us to “lose it”, he gets to see us hurt the reputation of Christ and His redeeming work.  People look at us and see our flaws, but not necessarily the work that God is doing in our lives as a whole.  They are just more likely to remember the guy who loses his temper.

If we allow ourselves to “lose it” too many times, we will develop the habit of lashing out and hurting people.  Over time that will cause people to pull away from us and also cause us to withdraw to avoid causing pain when we realize that is what we are doing.  Once you pull back too much you will find it hard to crawl out again.

So, with 2018 just around the bend. I have decided to make a greater effort at being that SOBER man that Paul and Peter admonish us to be.  I like to pick a word every year to focus on, and the year it is #SOBER.

I would love to end this next year looking back and not being able to remember when I had to apologize for losing my temper and saying rash or hurtful things.  I would like to be able to see where I put on the FRSSD and worked it out to get to the FRFBR without needing to hang my head in between.

I’m going to need to work at it, and I will need to put some reminders in place over the next year. (My wife and co-workers might start to think I have crush on Tom Selleck because of having his picture taped and tacked up in are different places!)  I’ll also need some accountability from my friends, family, and a few co-workers.  Tell me to get my “Frank Face” on instead of letting myself get loud.

I’m living a life that is imperfect.  I make mistakes, but I am not settling for living that way.  Relentless Growth is a determination to not live as I am, but to grow in Christ even when it is hard.  This is going to be hard.  I am attacking one of my deepest weaknesses in this.  What better place to ask for the unlimited strength of God!

I hope you have a great new year and that you find something you are going to focus on as well.  Feel free to comment and share this post with others.

Next Book: Colossians

Yesterday was my last day in the book of 2 Peter for awhile. (I’ll come back to it, I don’t have it all perfected yet!)  Running through that book with #Vigilant as the running thought and theme brought a new focus to me in how I approached situations at home and at work.  So many times I think I am seeing things, but the truths Peter brought to light helped me look deeper.  No.  I have not reached perfection.  Far from it, but I have grown a little more, and that is the goal.

      So, as always, where to next?

I promote this page, poorly at times, as Relentless Growth, and that was born out of a study I did with my Mentor/Rabbi, Lou, and my best friend, Ray.  In that series, I learned a lot about who I am, but I learned a lot more about how God wants me to grow in Him.  The study is based on Colossians 2:7.  I’m going to add verse 6 to help with the context just a tad:

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. – Colossians 2:6-7

As I thought about that study, I am reminded how it brought me to the place where I finally realized my need for a daily walk with God.  It took some time to get the habit REALLY locked in, but the daily verse posts I do are a result of that time of learning and the hunger for God and His Word that came out of it. I have been thinking about that time spent with those men a lot lately.  I miss those times, and I would guess that all that thinking about those sessions woke up the desire to look into Colossians.

So, here we go!  I did a little more research on the book, and one of the best overviews I have found to whet my appetite for the book is from Chuck Swindoll.  You can read his take on Collosians here at his Insight for Living web site.  He gives an overview of all of the books in the Bible. Good stuff, and he is a far better writer than I!

Chuck’s overview talks about how well Paul described the sovereignty of Christ and the importance of recognizing His Deity.  Christ was not just a good man who did some neat things.  He is God!  He created the universe, spoke us into existence, came to earth to live as a man, and He died for our salvation. He rose again, and now sits at God’s right hand waiting for the moment He will return for His people and begin an eternal reign. WOW!

When you realize all of that, Colossians 2:6-7 is a natural response.  If Christ is our Lord, and we really recognize Him as Lord, we are faced with a choice of serving Him or not.  As Paul tells us in the very first verse of the book, he is a servant of God’s will, and that is what I am called to be as well.  Some days I do it well, and other days…

Relentless Growth is a reminder to me that in order to grow, I must first kneel.  I must take myself off the throne of my heart and put God there, where He deserves to be, as my Creator and Sustainer.  I must die to my desires and live in the grace, mercy, and new life Christ purchased for me. If I do that, then I will grow!  Kneel -> Grow.  Submit -> Grow. Serve -> Grow.

I can’t think of a better way to grow in Christ than to take what I learn from His Word and use it to serve others.  Whether I am posting a daily verse, doing life with my wife, helping a friend with a project, helping my employees at work, or talking with my kids, I am engaging in service to God that results in personal growth.

So, for the next several weeks, I will be making my way through Colossians as slowly as possible – digging as much truth out as I can in order to use it in service to God.  I will enjoy the time I spend learning and sharing.  I hope you enjoy it too.

you like what you read and see on the Relentless Growth Facebook Page, be sure to “Like” and “Share”.  Would love to hear your comments too!

#Serve&Grow

 

Tom

 

Halfway to 88? Happy B-Day to Me!

Wow.  I am 44 today.  Think back to when you were a teenager.  What is that “oldest age” you ever really pictured yourself as?  Do you remember?  It seems like I do, and it was right about here.  44 years old… (I don’t see that as any type of foreshadowing about what this next year holds, just kind of funny that it popped into my head this morning.)

This last year has been a crazy one, and it looks like I am poised to do it all over again.  Time to give a quick little breakdown about what has happened, what is happening, and how I hope I Relentlessly respond to it.  I like to share since I tend to stay more accountable to some of this stuff when people know about it.

Health – Well, as far as the diabetes goes, I am doing better than great.  My doctor actually stopped me in the hall the other day after my bloodwork hit his desk and gave me a hug.  If you knew my doctor, you would be amazed!   I have kept a normal blood sugar since my diagnosis, have stepped my meds down, and kept my weight down.  I also am showing great numbers in the cholesterol and triglycerides.  Probably the healthiest I have been in 20 years in that regard.

New challenge.  Just found out I have two herniated cervical discs.  Not sure what the treatment will be yet as I am waiting to get in to see the specialist.  Pain is terrible, and I feel basically useless.  Hard to enjoy the above success when I feel this way, but I am pressing on.  My son asked me the other day what the lesson God has for me in this, and I have been thinking about that a lot since He asked.  I still don’t have a solid answer, but I am wondering about something.

I have often wondered if I am modeling a life of dependency on God for my family and friends to see.  I have other friends who I look to and think that they are so dependent on God, and I wish I could be that way too.  Maybe I am starting to model it because my son is asking me what I learn from the trials I face.  He has heard me talk about how God used diabetes to remove food from the throne of my heart.  He has heard that I don’t always need to know why, but I need to trust that God will show what I need to see when I need to see it.

So, Zach, maybe the lesson in this is that God is telling me that while I have not arrived, I am definitely in the process of Relentless Growth in this.  He chose to give me a blessing in the knowledge that you are seeing me try to live a life of dependence.  There may be more to come, but I will take this in humble praise to Him for the moment.

Fatherhood – I am finishing up my last year of what I term as “active parenting”. My role as protector and guide is shifting into advisor and counselor/consultant as Zach will join Jessica at college this fall.  I am so proud of my kids and I know God is going to do great things in their lives.  It is definitely a bittersweet feeling to watch them at this stage and know just how much different things will be at Tanner Manor this fall.

My challenge is to be present, but not controlling.  Available, but not underfoot.  I have often found this balance difficult and tend to pull back rather than be a hassle to the kids (unless I feel they need a good hassling!).  Praying that God gives me the wisdom and insight to be there for them while they are at school.

Husbandhood – Tammi and I have had some amazing discussions this past year, and I hope she agrees that we have grown much closer as a result of them.  Seeing Jessica go to school last year and experiencing that change in our family dynamic has definitely turned me more toward watching Tammi. I see how I have taken advantage of her sometimes in how she always handles things for our family.  I need to be more present for her, attentive to her needs.  Actually think about what could be wrong and what I can do about it rather than just ask her all the time. (She will like that one!)

We are soon going to be just the two of us again, and that is going to mean a little more freedom, but also a little more responsibility.  She will still need to talk about her feelings, thoughts, and dreams, and I will be the only one there.  I will need to shift some of how I tend to love my wife in order to meet that need.  We have talked about it some, and we know we have always done these new things together.  We have been parenting actively for the last two decades, but we only had a little over two years before that as a couple, so this is still a somewhat unexplored realm for us.  It is kind of exciting to think I will be able to have her to myself again though! (Sorry kids, Mom was here first!)

Friendships – It has been a strange year in this regard.  The extensive change that has taken place has pulled us from being as close to some as we once were, but has brought us into new friendships with others.  I think I had set some unrealistic goals in trying to “fast track” some things that needed more time, and that left me feeling discouraged a few times.  This year I want to just be more present in those moments that come before me.  Take the time to identify what God might want me to be in that moment rather than just looking at how I want things to be or what I can get out of it.

My Walk – I started something new a little before my birthday last year.  Every day I post a verse of the day with an image and my thought for personal application.  It has helped me keep the thought alive in my mind every day since I do it before my feet hit the floor.  Over the last year I have gone through Proverbs a couple times, the book of Psalms, and am now going through James.  You can follow those by “Liking” my Relentless Growth Facebook Page.

This next year I would like to find time to expand my time of study and start spending more time in areas that I really need to grow.  I want to be realistic in that though.  For now, maybe the verse a day and writing here a little more often might be the best thing.  Something to pray about for sure.

Priorities – It has been a year of shifting and reassessing for us in many aspects.  Work, family, church, friends, service, and the list goes on.  So many things have shifted and will continue to shift as we enter another year of major change as “empty nesters”.  Praying that God will give me wisdom, grace and insight necessary to lead my wife well with a servant leadership that build into her as we face the challenges together.

I hope I don’t bore you with a long post like this that is basically about me.  I’ll admit that the biggest reason for this post is to take a minute to actually write down and think about what has happened and how I am going to respond to it over the next year.  I need that for me because it helps “reset” the panel.  I can look at everything that has happened. See a little bit better in hindsight and hopefully that gives me insight and if things REALLY work out some foresight!

Let’s face it. Life is Relentless.  It will never stop coming at us.  If we want to get anything of quality out of it, we need to be Relentless in our pursuit of God and in our growth for His glory.  Relentless Growth.  We all need it.

365 days to be 44.  Let’s do this!

Time To Slow Down So I Can Go Faster

As I sat down tonight to write, I saw the date of my last post here on my blog, and I was a bit surprised at how long it has been. 37 days!  I would ask if anyone missed me, but I might be afraid to hear the answer.  I guess we will see what happens when I drop this post!

slowdownThe last month and a half has been very busy.  In truth, 2017 has been busy!  It seems like almost every day I crawl into bed with that “Where have you been all day?” feeling.  Come on, I can’t be the only one!

The last three weeks have had work training me in Chicago twice and now I am away again to a company retreat and meeting.  It seems like this year all of the training was crammed into a very tight little window.  A lot of time away from work and home.

Tonight I sit in a hotel room alone.  Over the last month I have spent several nights in hotels, and for a few of them I was fortunate enough to have my wife and son with me, but tonight is not one of those nights.

I had my “social” time that we are encouraged to participate in so we can get to know each other and network to exchange ideas and best practices, but I am that guy who steps away from the crowd before things get “really fun” in order to go back to my room for something more productive.

With all of the training I have been to lately, I have been inundated with a boatload of information that has resulted in being motivated to get all kinds of action plans together in order to be a better manager and improve countless processes.  The amount of stuff I have before me makes me feel that old weight of performance-based anxiety settle in on my shoulders.  I don’t like that feeling…

Also with all the time I have been gone, I have felt the longing for time in my home and with my family.  To be apart from them is wearying to my bones, and with Jessica already away at school, I only have two of my three favorite people to be with in the evenings.  I want to give them my full attention, and that workload is something I have been struggling to put behind me when I walk in the house.  Not as successful on that front as I would like to be some evenings…

Also, on the outer edges of my mind has been this feeling of missing my time with my friend Ray doing a Bible study, sharing life, and kicking each other in the teeth when we need it.  We have both been experiencing an uptick in stress lately, and those times we get together to share and do a little life as men really helps us.  We did have a meeting a couple of weeks ago, but my travel has taken that off the table this week and last…

So, tonight when I got back to the room and got comfortable, I fired up the laptop to do what I usually do when I am alone in a hotel room.

I work.

Yep. Party guy am I…  I usually take these opportunities to settle in and get some of the stuff done that has been hanging over my head and catch up a little.  My family is not here for me to engage with, so I might as well take care of some of the stuff piling up at work to reduce some of the stress, right?  Isn’t that a mature thing to do?

Well, tonight I chose to write instead.

Writing is something I love to do.  It helps me clear some of the cobwebs from my mind and get some  thoughts in order.  My wife can tell you that I am one who thinks out loud, and dumping out my brain from time to time to see what might be stuck in the corners is a very good thing for me.  Writing helps me do that, but I have not been very good about it lately.

With everything going on, I had pretty much decided that I was probably going to say goodbye to this blog. Probably not forever, but for a time at least.  I just don’t have the time to build a readership and develop this thing into the ministry I hope it could be one day.  It takes time to write, and I just have not had the time to devote to doing it well.

That is part of the reason I started to post pictures to my Relentless Growth Facebook Page instead of here every day.  I thought I would just let this page fade away.  Nobody would probably miss it anyway.  If I can’t do it well, then why should I bother?  Might as well quit.

That thought went through my mind when I opened up WordPress tonight.  What was I doing?  Is this a good use of my time?  I could be working!  It’s not like that pile of stuff is going to go away on its own!  Then I remembered a pic I saw the other day:

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It became clear to me that this is a fight I need to stay in.  Not necessarily because there may be twos of threes of people who might read this and be encouraged.  Right now, it is because I need it.  I need this little break from my work thoughts so I can shake out those corners of my mind and set some things straight again.  I need it to because my priorities may be getting out of whack!

I need this time to slow down and examine some of the stuff I am working through in order to get the right perspective for moving forward again.  It’s like I learned in one of my classes last week:

“When I slow down, I go faster.”

I need the slow down to keep me from burning out.  I need the slow down to take me away from work.  I need the slow down to be a better husband, a better father, and a better follower of Christ.  Those are the things that matter the most to me on this earth.  They are so much more important than a budget, a  process, or an action plan.  They are the things that keep me centered.  The things that keep me FOCUSED.

This little break tonight is part of my Relentless Growth.  It was a nudge from God to hunker down for a second and let the battle rage around me, but not be in it for a little while.  Time to sit and think about what is important. Time to acknowledge the gifts He has given me and see where the priorities of my life need to be.  Time to see that this is a time that I hear Him speak into my heart as I write.

I’ve neglected this too much lately.  I need to do it more often, and I am going to start scheduling it into my week somewhere.  There must be time to do this because God doesn’t seem to want to take this desire to write away from me.  He apparently wants this door to remain open.

So, as for you, Dear Reader,  I guess I am back.  Not sure what the schedule is going to look like for posts, but I am going to be here again on a regular basis.  Not daily, but regularly.  If you feel like subjecting yourself to my thoughts more often, then come over to the Facebook page for Relentless Growth and “Like” it for a daily dose.

Before I log off tonight, I just want to take a minute and say thanks to those who do encourage me to write.  My wonderful wife, Tammi, is chief among them, and I know she sometimes feels she is keeping me from doing just that. (She is almost always right, but not on that one!) I appreciate your words, and I hope mine encourage you in some way as well.

So, goodnight all!  I will see you here again!  I think I might go read my book before bed!  Work will be there tomorrow!

Presentation2

 

The Gift

wp-1482595236595.jpgI was sitting in my living room this morning, enjoying the peaceful sounds of a home not yet awake.  I looked over at our Christmas tree in the corner of the room.  It is covered with lights and ornaments that were made by our kids over the years, or were purchased as souvenirs while we were on vacation in different places.  Underneath the tree are the presents.  They are all wrapped up, names attached, and ready for Christmas Day festivities.

The rest of the house has been decorated as well.  Christmas is my wife’s favorite time of the year, and she goes all out in the decorating and the preparation.  As I write, she will soon be getting started on what will likely be a day of baking goodies to share with family and friends.  She loves to do that kind of thing.  A great hostess, a great baker, and an all around sweet lady

wp-1482595126219.jpgThe kids are happy to be together as my daughter is home from college. Wow.  That is a sentence I have never written out before.  Hard to believe how fast this time came!  Anyway, those two are such good friends, and we have enjoyed listening to them catch up and laugh together.  It blesses our hearts to see the friendship they have, and we are confident that it will stand as they step into adulthood.
This is my second day off for this vacation at the end of the year that will extend into next.  I’m very thankful to have a boss that values my efforts and allows me these opportunities.  I won’t be completely shut out from work and will probably handle some things while off, but I have the ability to be with my family rather than spend my day in the building.  That is a gift that has not lost its shine over the last 6
years.

wp-1482595329988.jpgThis morning I have a hot cup of coffee beside me, a furnace that is rumbling away, and slippers on my feet.  I have my family under my roof, and a roof that keeps the outside out.  I have food in my cupboards, and clothes on my back.  I have friends who mean the world to me, and I am a healthier man than I was a year ago.

All in all, I would say I have been given many great gifts.  Some of the gifts I have are tangible or visible, but others are feelings. While I can’t always bring all of it to mind, I have a contentment and an understanding that I have been given much in this world.  There are so many things I have that others do not. Family, friends, food, shelter, clothes, a job, children, and the ever present “stuff” that fills closets, drawers, and cubbies.  All of that is around me, but there is something more.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.” – John 3:16-17

wp-1482595236596.jpgA little over 2,000 years ago, a child was born in a tiny little town in Israel.  There was no fanfare.  No parades.  No posts, tweets, snaps, or “stories”.  Just a man and his wife, maybe a few animals, and eventually some shepherds were there to witness the night that God came to earth as a baby in the body of Jesus.  Jesus Christ, the one who would bring salvation as a gift to all mankind.

Salvation through faith in Jesus Christ is the greatest gift ever given.  With it comes a relationship with God and adoption into His family.  We receive the Holy Spirit as a guide and helper for the decisions we must make in life. We receive Christ as an example of how we should live and act with others.  We receive eternal life and a home in the presence of God for all eternity.  What an amazing gift!

The gifts under our tree were purchased with care and thought of the one’s that will receive them. The giver is waiting expectantly to see the receiver open that gift so they can see the joy that they felt when they purchased it.  When you love someone and do something for them, you can’t wait for them to experience it.

That is how God feels every day.  He has given us the greatest of gifts.  It fits right, is the right color, and it will never wear out.  It is even better than a 5 star rating on Amazon with free shipping!  God knows that this is the perfect gift for all of us and He is dying to see us open it and claim it as our own.  He wants to see us use that gift for living our lives and He wants us to share the goodness of that gift with everyone we come across.

wp-1482595126223.jpgI am happy to have the gift, and I am happy to share that He has made great changes in my life.  It’s not a perfect life, but it is a Relentless Life, devoted to knowing Him better.  There is nothing that would make me happier than knowing that anyone around me is experiencing that as well.

Merry CHRISTmas, everyone!  Accept the gift. Use the gift. Share the gift.

As always, I welcome you to share, comment and ask questions.  Thanks to those who follow and like.  I appreciate the time you take to go through life with me!

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What To Do?

build-a-pc-checklist-featured-imageSo, as of this morning I am going to be a bachelor for a long weekend.  Other than making sure none of the 4-legged beasts here at Tanner Manor go without food or water, keeping the place tidy, and putting up CHRISTmas lights, I have a pretty responsibility free time ahead of me.  I guess that is supposed to be the trade off of having those I love most being away for a short time.  Some might think it is great, but I am not looking forward to the empty house.

Old farm houses are too quiet when there are no people banging around in them.  I’m a big guy and do a fair job at making my own amount of racket, but it’s just not the same.  There is a gentle feeling of warmth and love when you know there is someone in the next room or upstairs.  (I’m not afraid my house is haunted – really!)

So, to battle the empty feeling in the house and the expanse of extra time, I am going to make a list of things to do this weekend to keep me busy and out of trouble.  It would be nice if the weather forecast this weekend was not calling for  a cold snap and snow storm, but I will have at least that window to hopefully get the lights all up before it gets too nasty outside.  Beyond that I need some indoor entertainment/activity that will be more productive than just testing the resiliency of the couch cushions.

So, at some point today I am going to make a little list and get myself organized to do some stuff I have been putting off or have not been able to have time to do.  I just want to be sure I am using my time well, not getting bored and sitting with a plate, bag, or box of food in front of the TV the whole time.

So, this blog post is going to serve as a form of accountability.  By putting this up, I am letting the ENTIRE WORLD WIDE WEB know that I have some free time that I need to be productive with.  I will welcome people who read this to ask me what I did with it next week. (That should generate at least 2’s and 3’s of comments!) If I want to be able to feel good about my answer then I better do something!

Paul said in his letter to the church at Thessalonica:

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

That’s usually all I need to do the right thing.  Just a little admonishment, encouragement, help, and patience.  When I am provided with that, I tend to rise to the occasion.  I bet most of you do too.  It’s not that we set out to fail, or that we don’t care.  Sometimes we just need a nudge, or the reminder that someone is counting on us.

So today, let me encourage you!  Make a list.  Leave it out so people can see it and be willing to answer for it.  Don’t be defensive, just be accountable!

Take it a step further and encourage someone else today to do something  they have talked about.  Give them a  smile, a hand, a pat on the back. You just might change their day!

Relentless Living by definition cannot be idle.  We need to be passionate about moving forward and growing every single day!  Even the days where things seem to pull us down (talking to myself again here), we need to keep driving because we might be the encouragement for someone else.

So, I’m off to work now. Got a lot to do today and a list to make.  Have a good day!

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Just Give The Old Guy A Chance To Talk

jco_richard-petty-motorsports43_1043.  I am 43.  Today I am 43 years old.  The geek in me wants to say that I am over 43 due to the leap year factor, but for sake of argument, we will just simplify this and say that today is the day.  Ready to start a new year with some new perspective.

The past year has brought a lot of change with it.  A year ago I was not the father of a college student.  I was seeing more transition in my job duties.  My son wasn’t sporting a beard.  Areas of life had less stress.  Areas of life had more stress!  People have come into and gone out of my life.  Relationships have grown stronger.  My thoughts have become heavier.  Then, to top it off, as I posted last week, I now have diabetes to consider.

Much has changed, and that is a good thing.  Change is a necessary part of life, and it is an integral part of a Relentless Life.  Without change, things grow stagnant, sour, weak, and irrelevant.  I don’t want that.  There are still things to do, things to see, things to experience and share.

I’ve been thinking a lot more lately about my life.  Specifically, about how my actions affect the future for myself and others.  Obviously I am experiencing some of what my passion for food has done to my body, and how I must make change in order to correct as much of that as I can, but there have been other actions that are having affects on me and those around me as well. Some of them need to be changed in some way or another if there is to be growth.  The FOCUS needs to shift if there is going to be growth.

Whether you are interested in them or not, here are some of my thoughts on things I would like to have a better grip on before I hit the “double 4”.

My Family – Things are changing in our home as our daughter leaves for college in the fall and our son is going to finish high school and has entered the work force before he leaves for college next year.  Tammi and I are going to be spending more time as we started – just the two of us.  There are going to be new ways I will need to adapt to the needs of my family in these new circumstances.  I want them to see that I love and care for them not in the way that is convenient for me, but in the way that they need it.

My Health – As of today I am down 32.5 pounds with a goal of another 34.5.  My blood pressure is dropping with the weight, and I am hoping to get off that medication by next year.  Praying to see the blood sugar straighten out with the changes in diet as well.  So odd that in the middle of feeling so good and healthy from losing weight I find I have a whole different problem, but like I said here, I think it is more of a spiritual issue than a a health issue.

My Friendships – The last year or so has bought me into closer relationships with a group of good and godly men.  I want to work harder at making those friendships grow deeper and stronger.  There are things I had done that I need to get back to doing, and there are thing I need to start doing that I never have done!  A good friend is not something to be ignored.

My Work – God has put a task before me, and I want to honor Him in that.  There is an aspect of worship to God in my work that I cannot ignore.  I need to remember that I am always serving Him in the things that I do, and hopefully that will make the rough times better.  I also will be more intentional about how I can provide for my family outside of my main job.

My Faith – Over the last year I have been more intentional about my time with God, and I don’t want that to change.  I need that time with Him to keep my heart right and my head clear.  The time I spend in God’s Word gives me purpose and courage to take hard steps in all aspects of life.  God gets the glory for what He is doing, and I get the joy of being able to have a front row seat in His plan.

grumpy-old-man-list-card-19I get a lot of ribbing from a buddy of mine about being old.  That’s OK.  I’m finally at an age where I am starting to see how my decisions can play out. I have enough life experience that before I do a stupid thing I get that feeling that I have been here before! Sometimes it even stops me from doing it!!!  I guess that is the benefit of age though, and I hope my mistakes, experiences, and thoughts are a help to someone else.

What are you going to do with your next trip around the sun?  Be Relentless in it.  Feel free to share this post and I would be happy to hear your comments either below or e-mail at myrelentlessgrowth@gmail.com!

 

 

The Next Chapter Of Life Will Not Be As Sweet

sweets_2623400kLast October I had one of those moments that take your breath away. I wish I could say it was from looking at a beautiful sunset, a display of human compassion, or even the peace of watching the horses in the pasture. It wasn’t. For me, it was a flight of stairs. 10 steps and I was sucking wind like a jet engine.  I was 42 years old and stairs had become the thing I dreaded most. Whether it was the knee that gave constant pain, or the knowledge that I would not be able to talk at the top of the stairs, I had begun to avoid them at all cost.

The next morning after a shower and with  a smile I stepped gingerly on the scale (It is a glass scale, so you will understand my caution in a moment.) to see my situation. I was at the heaviest I have been in my life. Just 3 pounds short of 300. I remember the sense of dread that hit me when I realized I was about to cross over into a world where my weight began with a three. That had not happened since I was 2 years old, and something needed to change. Immediately.

I went to work on it, and started changing my diet. Not huge changes, just being a little more aware of how often I would go back for seconds (or thirds) and not allowing that. I also started eating a salad a day or two a week, and set a hard rule about eating after 9pm. Again, not huge changes, but I was huge, so any change was good!

Results started quickly with me and the first ten pounds were gone in a month or so.  The holidays came next and I got through them with only picking up a couple pounds.  After that I started to average about a pound a week with the occasional stall, but the stall never bothered me as long as it didn’t turn into an upward trend. The stall would result in another little change, and then weight would start to move again. It was going well.

Last Thursday I went in for my annual physical and was actually excited. I had lost 25 pounds and was lighter than I had been in almost 4 years, and felt better than I had in at least that long. The Doc was pleased and we actually did a “high 5” at one point. (If you know my doctor, you would be surprised!) As I was getting ready to leave we briefly discussed the lab work I was about to have done, and how the results of those tests (cholesterol) couldn’t take away from the fact that I had done a good thing and I felt healthier as a result. We left the room with smiles on our faces.

That evening I was at a birthday party for my father-in-law when I got an e-mail to check my patient portal for my test results.  The cholesterol was not bad, but I got a shock I had not been expecting.  There were some bold lines of type with results on my blood sugar and a note from my doctor in all caps telling me I had diabetes and I needed to see him ASAP.  (That sound you heard was the sound of my good feelings being crushed.)

I am a diabetic.

To say that night was a hard night would be an understatement.  I understand now why they offer counseling groups for people who are getting news like this.  It rocked me all the way back on my heels.  I was doing a good job!  I had been losing weight and getting healthier.  Why?  What on earth is going on here?

That night as I lay in bed trying to wrap my head around this while clinging to the encouragement of my wife, I came to the conclusion that there is a reason for this.  God has allowed this into my life for a purpose, and I needed to figure out what it was.  God was good in that He didn’t make me take a long time to do it.  It was pretty obvious to me.

I love to eat.  I don’t just like food.  I love food.  I will sit and think about food I will eat in two hours, for supper tonight, for supper next week!  I will plan how to make sure I get to have the maximum amount of food when it is available even if it means short-changing someone else.  I have shared this sinful pattern before on this blog, but I have not really gotten control of it.  Food has continued to rule my life, and now something is going to need to change.

Things come into our lives for  reason.  Sometimes we get to experience really good things that cause us no pain while giving us the simple pleasure of feeling the love of God.  Sometimes God allows hard things to come into our lives in order to teach us something or to make us realize that we need to stop something or make a better choice.  No matter what is going on in your life, it is there in order for you to look at it and see where God is speaking to you in that moment.

Lying there in bed, I realized that God had allowed this to happen in order to teach me that food is a god that will leave me wanting.  In every way it is temporary, and when fully in control, it is damaging.  It is a substandard god.  It is an unworthy god.  It is a bad god. It was a god that THE God decided I needed to see in a different light.  The next morning I told Tammi that it was like God had just walked in and kicked food off the throne in my heart and said that it had been in His seat for far too long.  It was time for me to learn how good it is to have Him on the throne instead.

The last few days have been a little rough at times.  I’m on a new diet now that has me on a pretty tight leash.  I’m checking my sugar, taking my medicine, and looking at my food in a different way.  I have been very careful, and I have the support of my amazing wife and kids and some good friends and family praying for me as I walk this new path.  It’s a new chapter of my life, and while in some ways it will not be as sweet as it used to be, in others it is already tasting so good!

IMG_20160506_181517I’m still losing weight.  This is a picture of me last summer on our Wyoming vacation where I had not yet hit my peak weight along with me today being down 30 pounds.  I am committed to losing more while controlling my sugar in order to reach a healthy weight.  I’m not sure if God is going to allow me to get off the medication, but right now I believe that is a goal He has allowed in my heart, and I intend to follow it with Relentless determination.

The sugar levels are already moving in the right direction, and my prayer is that when I go to see my doctor in a month, he will tell me that I am on the right track.  It will be three months before I can get my A1C checked again to see just how much movement I have had.  I’m placing that in God’s hands.  He is writing this chapter of my life, and I am open to His direction.  My prayer is first of all to honor Him in this process.  He has placed me here for at least one reason I have already mentioned, but I believe that is going to lead to even more.

I would appreciate your prayers, and I will share my journey with anyone who wants to read or ask questions.  Please keep my wife and family in your prayers as well.  This is something we are all experiencing, not just me.  I am blessed with a family that loves me and is supporting me as we do this together, but I want to show them love and encouragement as well.

Thanks for reading, and as always, feel free to share this with anyone you know who might be encouraged by it.

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19 Reasons I Love My Daughter:

IMG_0648Well, another trip around the sun has taken place and here we are again.  January 23 has arrived and with it the celebration of Jessica’s birth.  This will be the fourth time I have done a birthday blog for my little girl, and I am not sure what I can say that I haven’t already said. Thankfully, not knowing what to say has never kept from saying something in the past, so here we go!

  1. She made me fall in love with her at first sight.  I didn’t want a daughter, and we didn’t know what was coming, but I was certainly not looking for a little girl!  You can imagine my surprise when I saw that slimy little girl for the first time and knew immediately I could not have been happier.
  2. She taught me the importance of discipline.  When you are responsible for shaping the personality and character of a small human, it behooves you to pay attention to what is going on.  As she grew and started to not “stay put” so much, we had to teach her proper behavior.  Teaching that to her opened my eyes to how God is always doing the same thing with me.
  3. She taught me the importance of consistency.  Whether it was a sleep schedule, feeding schedule, or a “no-no” rule, it was not long before we realized as parents of a little human that we needed to be consistent for her benefit and for our sanity.  One of the things that we look back on as being in the top 5 most important parenting things we did without always realizing we were doing it.
  4. She showed us that it’s okay to just stop and enjoy a moment.  I will never forget seeing her walking across the yard as the radio was on  (turned up to 11) in my garage blaring an advertisement for McDonalds or something like that.  She was heading toward a toy of hers and then the music started back up.  She stopped and just did that toddler “bouncing dance” (all parents know what I mean) for the entire song.  She started to try and walk away a couple times, but she just couldn’t stop the bounce until the music was gone.
  5. IMG_1253She showed me true appreciation for God’s creatures. To be honest, I am still learning on this one.  To me, animals were created so that I may eat them.  Therefore, I have a soft spot for cattle, pigs, chickens, deer, elk, buffalo, and whatever Gorton’s uses to make a fish stick.  Other than that, I like a dog to follow me around the yard.  Jessica loves anything with a pulse, and has always been so keenly interested in them.  We still look at her in amazement as she spouts off facts about animals but we are never surprised to see her go the rescue of any animal.
  6. She is an amazing friend.  Jess has always reached out to people and been willing to be a friend to them.  She especially looks for the one person that seems to have no friend. She draws them to her!  She shows interest in their lives and is a genuine friend to them.
  7. The girl knows how to work.  We have had horses for almost seven years now, and the other day we were commenting on how many times she has acted like she didn’t want to go out to “her boys” to feed them.  We think the number is around 2 – in seven years.  She is up early in the morning and late at night to take care of them, and she knows how to throw hay!
  8. She is content.  Jessica has never been one to walk around asking for things she knew she couldn’t have or pitching little fits if she didn’t get what she wanted.  It was almost like she thought if she had something it was better than nothing, and that was good enough.  I might be exaggerating little bit, but not by a lot!
  9. She has always been comfortable with herself.  She is not a person to “put on airs”.  She is who she is, and doesn’t change for someone just because that is how they might want her to be.  If she makes a change, it is because she has decided to do it.IMG_1095
  10. She does hard things.  Hard things are hard because they are hard, and Jess has been one the tis willing to take on a challenge.  Sometimes we tease her about a stubborn streak (no chance she got that from either parent), but more often than not it is because she has a tenacity about life and is willing to do what needs to be done – even when it is hard.
  11. She is still a girl.  Even though she loves pig wrestling, horse maintenance, and throwing hay bales, she still likes to put on a pretty dress and get all “girled up” from time to time.
  12. She’s a smart kid.  Jess has always done well in school.  There are times she has really had to attack a subject in order to do well, but she gives it her best.  She made the Dean’s list with a 4.0 in her first semester in college!
  13. She loves her family.  Maybe some of it is because we live in the sticks and she doesn’t have a lot of friends right inner neighborhood, but she actually seems to like being at home with us.  Yep.  A teenage daughter that has always been happy to spend time with her parents… Maybe unicorns exist after all!
  14. 995302_10202357674841693_1646407219_nShe liked Cricket Hunting with me when she was little.  It’s goofy, would probably take a ton of explaining, but we enjoyed it!
  15. Some of her more memorable quotes: “I AH-DOOUGH-A-BULL” “Wedgies.  They happen!” To her Grandpa Williams when she was still in diapers – “Grampa, I dotta yode.” (“I gotta load” meaning a full diaper.  I’m not saying her mother taught her that one, but there was only one other adult living in our house that could have taught her that, and surely it wasn’t him…)
  16. IMG_20150705_171623She is resilient.  One of the hardest signs we experienced with Jess was watching her deal with the pain that came out of her competing in High School Equestrian events.  She was hurt in many ways during that time, but she kept her gentle heart and attitude and was willing to forgive rather than hold on to hard feelings.  She has been a true example to me in that regard.
  17. She likes to pull my finger.  Yes, my wife just covered her eyes and shook her head in shame that I wrote that, but it is the truth.  It makes us laugh!
  18. IMG_0597Her brother is her best friend – and he likes that.  They have always been good buds, and even though they have the occasional spat, they truly love each other and miss each other.  Next year is going to be hard on both of them as she leaves for Cedarville.
  19. Jess truly wants to live her life in a way that glorifies God.  She reads her Bible, journals, prays, and genuinely looks to Him for guidance and strength for living.  She has been modeling a Relentless Life all through her teenage years.  While life has been hard from time to time, she has not lost sight of God, and has continued to draw close to Him.  It makes me very proud to see her grasping the importance of a relationship with her heavenly Father.75003_4832780735866_725842936_n

Jess, I love you, and I am proud to be your Dad.  You have been a joy since your first breath, and I stand in amazement as I continue to watch you grow in so many ways.  You are a blessing to me and Mom, and I thank God every day for entrusting us with a daughter like you.  Happy Birthday, Squirt!

Love you,

Dad