At the end of my arms are these things called hands. They are “handy” to say the least. (OK, that was bad, but if you know me, you know I like a good pun, and I really like a bad one!) Hands can be used to do anything from brain surgery to automotive repair to plunging a toilet. They can wage war, build buildings, and comfort the sick. Some are big, some small, but all of them have one thing in common – they are servants of the heart and mind and will reflect the attitude of the person that owns them.
I have been thinking a lot about hands lately, and how they can be a reflection of the heart. I don’t think it is a coincidence that God made the human heart about the size of your hand when closed in a fist. How we hold our hands can be a picture of the heart. Take a minute and think about how your heart feels and put your hands in that position. Are they closed in a fist? Open? Are they trembling? Limp? Are they clenched in anger or fear?
10 years ago I would tell you that my heart and hands were pretty hard and closed. I didn’t really intend it to be that way, but my default was usually a fist. A fist has its benefits:
- I could hold things tightly. – I didn’t want to lose the things that I had. There were things that I had worked very hard to get, and at time I felt that I was having them taken from me. That made me very fearful, and I would hang on with all I had to keep those things close.
- I could keep things away from me. – Ask anyone in law enforcement, and they will tell you that in some circumstances the way a person stands will tell you what they might be willing to do, and a closed fist is a sign to be very cautious. I would let people be around me, but I know that I didn’t attract many either. That “closed fist” aura was around me, and I was fine with that.
- I could fight at any time. – It doesn’t take long to make a fist, but I was already set to go. I was willing to wade into a war at a moment’s notice. If I felt the threat it was go time. If I saw a cause I wanted in on, it was time to throw down. It didn’t need to even be my problem, I was willing to make it my problem. I wasn’t physically fighting, but my heart was a closed fist and ready to go to defend anything.
As time went on I began to see that this closed fist mentality also had some real problems too. I had an opportunity to join a men’s group about 5 years ago, and as a result I learned that I had some changes to make. Our leader saw some things in me that needed change, and as we reflected on them together, he helped me see some of the negatives of a closed fist way of living:
- I was pretty much alone. – Like I said, I did a good job of keeping things and people away from me. I knew I had people that could hang out with me, but I didn’t really have anyone who knew me well. I lived a life where I didn’t trust people or want them to get inside a certain level of friendship because it could cost me something. They might want to get into my hand and take something from me. I couldn’t let that happen. It was “better” to be alone.
- I had alienated people. – My words, actions, and selfishness had driven some people away from me. I needed to be heard, understood, and most importantly, I needed to be right. To that end I would escalate simple differences in opinion to the point of pushing good people out of my life.
- I was unable to give. – My hands were so tightly closed around what I perceived to be mine that I was not able to even comprehend what it was like to have a generous heart. I saw people enjoy giving gifts, or helping others and I just could not understand how they could do that.
- I was barely able to receive. – Make a fist and then have someone throw you an apple. Try to catch it with that hand. I was so clamped down on life that I know I let opportunities pass me by because I was more concerned with what was in my hand than what better things might have been available.
I’m a child of God, and when God has a child that He wants to speak to, He will send gentle reminders from time to time in order to bring them around. Looking back, I can see a lot of them that He sent my way, but I missed them at the time. When a person is a closed fist, they tend to miss a lot of things – did you catch the apple? Eventually, God may decide it is time to put His hands into the process.
When my kids were little, they would sometimes grab things that they were trying to shove into their mouths. We would tell them to stop and try to take it from them, but they would squeeze their little fist as tightly as they could to hold onto that prized morsel of indeterminate and probably unsanitary nature. We would grab their little hands and pry their fingers apart to take it away.
God’s hands are bigger than mine. Almost 5 years ago He used His big hands to pull my fist of a heart open. My heart that was determined to do things my own way needed to be pried open as only God could have done it. I lost my job, and that was the beginning of the release of a lot of things. I lost my income, and in a lot of ways, I lost my identity. I lost some pride, but that was a good thing!
I’m glad I no longer had a fist in my heart. It was finally open, but I can tell you that it was broken. I was dislocated in a lot of areas, and that was difficult to get past. God had broken my closed-fisted heart in order to get me to see what I was and my need for Him to be in control.
Looking back, I am glad He did. It set me on a journey, and that journey has brought me where I am today. It led me to an understanding that the call of my life is to be Relentless in my pursuit of what God may have for me. I can tell you today, that it is becoming clear. God is making some changes in my life and that of my family as well. We are very excited to see how things will play out as we continue to see His leading in our lives. I look forward to telling you more about it next week!